How far will a single 'How are you?' take you?
On a daily basis, personal interactions get less and less. Workers claim they are busy when they are in the workplace, and then whenever it's post-working hours, they will still be 'busy' with something else. As a nurse, I am guilty of this. I do try my best to have personal conversations and interactions with my patients. Having a small chat is better than none. It makes it feel more 'normal' and 'comfortable' for the patients, and for me as a nurse.
But on a seemingly fine day, this elderly lady I had a casual chat with, showed me a brief look of one's life through her shaky words and teary eyes. I am sharing this not to risk any information breach, or to divulge one's life. I believe her words can be an instrument to reach out to me and to whoever I can share these thoughts as well. I try to recall as much as the exact words that stuck to my head, thus posting it before it's gone forever.
I approached Linda* (not her real name), and casually asked 'Are you okay?'
Seemingly a dumb question to ask knowing she's lying on her bed with medicine drips ongoing, but she does look better today than yesterday.
She was smiling and was known to be joyful since she was in the hospital. Her eyes were almost dashes of lines of smiles, as she mentioned she doesn't feel 'that bad.' For someone of her age, around 70-80ish, she was fairly fit and known to be independent.
Normally, I would just mention a few more reminders before heading on to the next patient (or probably paperwork) and bid my temporary farewell. This time, for some reason, I stayed a bit longer at her bedside.
I came closer, and again I asked 'How are you feeling?'
Her smiling eyes seem to vanish slowly. Her voice almost trembling. I could see her eyes start to moist. 'I feel really bad. I am married to my husband. But for more than 25 years, it begins to have difficulties. It is painful.'
I was stunned. I've met her husband once when he visited. I don't think there was a problem on the surface based on the information I've gathered. He seems to be a gentleman and equally as nice as her. I have to ask what made her say those words.
'If both of you have two different beliefs, he has his own god, it is painful. I don't have a god to believe in. I don't think I have been helped by any god at all.'
She doesn't sound angry; probably she was just trying to choose her words carefully. She sounded tired from difficulties in her life, as if she was left alone.
'I don't have anyone, anybody else. I'm not telling you this so you will lose your faith. I know you have your own God, your own religion. Please do as you wish. I am just saying I have no god anymore.'
'Do you have some other family members, aside from your husband? Friends to accompany you?'
I tried to ask carefully to avoid further pain in her shaky voice and weary eyes.
'The day the doctor told me that I won't be able to have a child, I cried. I couldn't control it. I hated myself, I felt bad and stopped believing in God. Then the doctor told my husband. I was a mess. I said sorry for not being able to give him a family. He then told me: 'I married you. And it is you that I love.' He hugged me and made me stop crying.'
For a bachelor like me, I may not be able to relate well to her story, but I felt her pain, her frustration. It felt as if I was in the room while they were having that unforgettable low moment of their lives.
'Don't you worry young man, please don't feel bad. I want you to carry on and don't lose your faith in your God.'
I took time for me to choose my message for her.
'No dear, I do appreciate you sharing me your thoughts and words to me. I somehow felt and understood how you are feeling, thank you for trusting me and your kind words. I might not be good in my faith, but I will have you in my thoughts and in my prayers to give you strength and courage. I will ask Him to continue to bless you and your husband. I don't believe you were left alone by God, He did give you a loving husband. Not all are blessed to have what you have right now with him. I may not be telling you the right words that could be of any help, but believe me, I do mean it that I will ask help to guide and protect you. Right now, He used me as an instrument to listen to you to make you feel better. I think I know someone who knows very well how to make you feel better. No other than your husband.'
She smiled again after a few tensed minutes, her teary eyes holding back. 'Yes, he is a lovely man, he does know how to make me smile. He does make me happy.'
As if by cue or an answered prayer, the clock struck 3 in the afternoon. Just in time for visiting times. Her husband appeared from the door and saw me holding his wife's hand. I saw a bit of worry on his face wondering if everything is fine with her. I assured him it is alright, and that she is doing better.
I said my farewell and left the room. I peered over just as I was walking outside, I saw him greet her with a kiss on the forehead, holding her hand, and her smile back on her face.
Today, ask someone, a friend or a stranger: 'How are you?'
You might be THAT blessing in disguise.
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