Death is not the end. Not just in a spiritual way, but also the fact that life goes on and you still have things to do even in the immediate minutes after your loved one passes away. When it eventually happens, it might seem like you can’t think of what to do next; do you start planning a funeral right away, do you buy books to help you cope with being left behind, or do you start calling relatives and friends? Most people choose to go numb for a while, because the denial is too strong. Unfortunately, there is no scientific formula to help you get through this difficult time, but here are a few things that will occupy your time after the death of a loved one.
The practical things
As soon as you can, get a death certificate from the doctor so you can register the death; if possible, you also need to take their birth certificate, and marriage or civil partnership certificate. Once you’ve done this, you’ll receive all the documents you need to plan the funeral. Make a list of people you need to call, so they can come to pay their respects. There are also some official organisations that need to know that someone has died, so make sure you get it all out of the way before you put your loved one to rest.
Plan the funeral
The best way to get closure and start the healing process is by giving your loved one an appropriate send-off. Ideally, some arrangements would have been made before they passed on - such as a pre-paid funeral plan to cover some of the costs, or instructions on what they wanted to include - but if no arrangements were made, then it might help to have someone helping you. Most people choose to use a funeral director, which can be very helpful as they have the knowledge and experience to organise the funeral as quickly and efficiently as possible.
Take time for yourself
If you’re taking charge of all the arrangements yourself, it might be best to take a few days off work. Although there is currently no legal obligation for UK employers to provide compassionate leave as standard, the employee bereavement leave guide says that some employers do exercise discretion in these events, and some even include a formal bereavement leave policy in their contract. Even if you don’t feel like you’re able to grieve at the moment, it’ll be good to take some time out from your routine before you start to adjust to life after the death.
Reach out
Some people prefer to grieve alone, but sometimes it’s best to have other people around to support you. Grief can hit you at the most unexpected times, even when you think you’ve come to terms with your loved one’s passing. It can greatly help you to know there’s someone you can call when you’re sad; chances are someone else is grieving too, so why not share the burden.
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